Category: Major Paper/Project
Major Paper Project: abstract painting visual art
I decided to do an abstract painting for my project. Abstract is not my usual style but I felt it was the best way to portray the disability/disorder I chose to represent. I wanted to portray a very common disorder in our society today: Depression. Depression is not always seen as a disability but it often is associated with disabilities. Now this does not mean that everyone with a disability has depression or that everyone with depression has a disability. Many people think that you can only have depression if you have a “good reason” like a hard past or present or a disability and although you may be more likely if one or more of these are true but depression does not always have a reason. It is a mental disorder that anyone can have at any time.When someone has depression, they often feel alone, distant, sad/gloomy, and sometimes in severe cases like life isn’t worth living. I wanted to do depression mainly because so many people make jokes about having depression that I feel like people who really have it get overlooked. Also, I have found that many people think that because one person was able to overcome their depression then everyone else should be able to but that is not how it works. It is not the same for everyone.
In my painting I used three colors: white, grey, and black. I only used these colors because I wanted a gloomy feel. Along with these colors I also tried to create a fuzzy or misty look to it to add to the gloom. I made it abstract, so there would be many ways of interpreting it. I personally see it as misty dark woods which can represent feeling alone. The misty/rainy look adds on to the sad aspect of the painting. Like how there are many ways to see and understand the painting, there are also many ways to see and understand depression. No one view of depression is entirely the same.
There are many different types of depression. One of which is anxious depression which is basically what it sounds like. It is where along with the depression you have high anxiety. I wanted to mention this type one because I feel like I can relate to it and two because I feel that when I stare at my painting not only do I get this feeling like depression but it also makes me anxious and the longer I stare at it the more it makes me think about my anxiety. The purpose of this painting is not to actually make you depressed or anxious but to bring awareness to a little piece of what it is like.
I pledge
word count: 456
Source
“Depression (Major Depressive Disorder).” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 3 Feb. 2018, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007.
“Depression (Major Depressive Disorder).” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 3 Feb. 2018, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20356013.
Lueden Sheikhnureldin’s Major Project/Paper: Invisible Till Further Notice: Blackness & Schizophrenia
Lueden Sheikhnureldin
Dr. Foss
ENGL 384-02
April 23rd,2020
Invisible Till Further Notice: Blackness & Schizophrenia
Psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia have been seen as synonymous with words such as ‘evil’ or ‘scary’ and so has being Black in America. In the 1960s, society saw a rise of Black people being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Most were being diagnosed shortly after being arrested during Civil Rights protests. The government used the traits of schizophrenia (hallecutions, disconnect from reality, psychosis, etc.) to say that what the Black community was fighting for was irrelevant because they were schizophrenic. These ableist diagnoses showed how society enforced the stigma that having a disability meant one can not have any valid thoughts or feelings. Not only do Black people already have to fight for their right to be heard, schizophrenic people have to as well because of the aforementioned stigmas. Having schizophrenia does not make one’s opinions and beliefs any less credible, but since this was not, and is still not, the socially accepted notion, this stigma was used against Black people to further promote the silence of the Civil Rights Movement. The basis for these diagnoses at the time were also extremely racially charged with factors such as “extreme aggression” and “irrational distrust of police officers and government officials.” This rise of schizophrenia being misdiagnosed for Black people would become detrimental to our society today where there are still racial disparities. Studies are showing that it is more likely that the people getting diagnosed have depression and not schizophrenia, but since depression is not considered a “Black disorder” it is not a possibility that crosses many doctors’ minds. Black disabled people have their disability erased as evident in numerous pieces of literature with Black disabled characters. These diagnoses are one of the very few moments where society recognizes Black disabled people as being a part of both identities instead of only seeing one and not the other, but they are recognized for ableist and racist reasons rather than actual validity.
The Civil Rights Movement had been going on for many years in the 20th century, but the heart of the movement was in the 1960s. The Black Panther party was becoming more visible to non black people, public boycotts were making headlines, and even children in primary school were participating. This newfound platform was not ideal for members of the U.S. government who refused to let the Black population gain any of the rights they were fighting for. There were many means of intervention by the U.S. government such as the F.B.I.’s assisantion of Black Panther Party member, Fred Hampton, constant incarcerations of Black people, and admitting numerous Black men into, what were then called, insane asylums for schizophrenia. This rise in schizophrenia diagnoses was the most shocking to historians because prior to the ‘60s, schizophrenia was mainly diagnosed to white women who did not perform their motherly or wifely duties to their husbands’ liking. (Metzl 13) The majority of schizophrenic patients were Black men, more importantly, Black men who had some sort of connection to the Civil Rights movement whether it was attending boycotts or working with Black advocate leaders. (Metzl 14) Schizophrenia diagnoses changing from predominantly white women to predominantly Black men was not a mere coincidence. The diagnosis of schizophrenia had changed from non threatening hysteria to aggressive paranoia. (Pride) A lot of the ‘new’ symptoms were also extremely racially charged. Irrational distrust of authority, extreme hostility, and something white doctors called protest psychosis. (Metzl 16) Protest psychosis was the notion that participating in protests drove Black men to madness and the intent behind that was an attempt to show how ‘awful’ the Civil Rights Movement was and why Black people who were involved could not be trusted.
The most famous example of a Black man who was affected by the schizophrenia rise is civil rights advocate, El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz. More commonly known as Malcolm X. While Malcolm X was never admitted into a psychiatric ward, he was arrested and investigated heavily by the FBI. (Haley & X 145) In declassified FBI documents, historians found that the FBI had diagnosed Malcolm X with pre-psychotic paranoid schizophrenia. (Pride) The media was not aware of this government issued diagnosis till after his death, but Malcolm X had been painted by the media as a ‘crazy and insane’ man for his entire career. His distrust and paranoia of governmental authority heightened as he became more prevalent in the movement because the FBI were taping and constantly profiling him. (Gadek) Those reasons did not fit the narrative that the media wanted to paint. They wanted people to believe the government wasn’t doing anything behind anyone’s backs and that Malcolm X and other Black people who were distrustful of them were simply crazy. Oppressors would use ableist words such as crazy, insane, and psycho as a way to discredit Black people and the Civil Rights Movement. By doing this, they promoted an ableist mentality that people who are not able minded can not possibly have anything valid to say because their mental state does not “allow” them to have ‘coherent’ thoughts and that having a mental illness is a bad characteristic. This assigning of negative connotations to mental illness also led bigoted people to believe that being crazy and being Black were synonymous since they were both considered ‘bad’ things. Malcolm X did not deny any of those ableist allegations, but instead responded to these claims with that he was crazy, not because he was Black, but because society’s racism drove Black people to madness. (Haley & X 231) This response was seen as revolutionary; Malcolm X had used the word crazy to advance himself and his agenda instead of being silenced or flat out denying it. Malcolm X’s rebuttal was also seen as empowering because he was calling for people to critique the racism in society and not the people being affected by racism. (Pride) Another way Malcolm X not responding with simple denial could be seen as empowering was that it was him ending the notion that being mentally ill meant that one could not be trusted.
Calling someone crazy as a political weapon enforces the mentality that mentally ill people can not have valid opinions or coherent thoughts. Even in present time, people throw words like crazy around without thinking of its implications. Schizophrenics especially have to deal with the socially accepted ideology that they are “not in control” of themselves and should not be trusted. (Brune) The idea that people with psychotic disorders are not everyday civilians who go to school, work, and live typical lives, but instead are violent criminals stems from the diagnoses of Black men in the 60s. (Metzl 32) Black men became the poster children for schizophrenia and since they were most often incarcerated prior to the diagnosis, schizophrenia, criminality, and Blackness all became synonymous. Those diagnoses had long term effects on the Black community to this day. Rutgers University conducted a study where they assessed the Black men who were getting diagnosed with schizophrenia and found more similarity to major depression than schizophrenia. The racial disparities with schizophrenia in our current time has not radically changed when compared to the 60s’. Those racist studies have thrown off the data for schizophrenia, so it is now “more common” for Black people to be schizophrenic, so doctors do not consider depression or anxiety for their Black patients. This is an issue because antipsychotic medications are extremely strong and should not be taken by people who do not have schizophrenia. (Rutgers University) The side effects of taking such drugs have been compared to that of a lobotomy procedure. (Mollow) Numbing of the mind and extreme lack of motivation are the most common. According to the Rutgers studies, the Black students who were taking these medications were doing worse in school and had frigenthing shifts in personality. These misdiagnoses are killing Black minds and it is all because of biased studies that were more than half a century ago. Black people do not get diagnosed with depression and anxiety as much as white people because those are not seen as Black disorders. There is a hierarchy with mental disorders where psychotic disorders are the scary, unredeemable disorders while depression and anxiety are seen as “less serious”. (Donaldson) Not only does it undermine the experiences of people who have any of these disorders it also enforces the racial bias with diagnoses. Since psychotic disorders are the “scary” ones, it must be the Black disorder.
Disability and Blackness are connected, but not in the racist and synonymous way that is forced onto the Black disabled community. Being Black does mean one is inherently mentally ill and the notion that they are is ableist. Pickens’ book, Black Madness :: Mad Blackness, she rethinks the relationship between the two as being mutual. On page 3 of her introduction she writes, “In an ideological construct of white supremacy, Blackness is considered synonymous with madness or the prerequisite for creating madness. To push them (Blackness and madness) together syntactically runs the risk of appearing repetitive, but it also prompts the possibility that the two must be parsed.” Pickens’ idea of parsing Blackness and Madness in Black texts specifically is done so because of the aforementioned white supremacist construct. Black disabled people are rarely ever recognized as both Black and disabled unless it fits the racist and ableist narrative people want to paint. For example, in John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men, we are introduced to the character Crooks who is a Black man with a hunchback. In high school classes when analyzing this text, students are encouraged to look at characters with several lenses, class, race, and disability. These lenses are usually taught to be very specific in the sense that if one views a character with a race lens, they can not view the same character with a disability lens. The character Crooks is rarely ever considered to be physically disabled even though other white characters with similar disabilities are. Another example of a Black character disability being erased is the character Tom Robinson in Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird. Said character’s left arm is described to a foot shorter than his right and his left hand is small and shriveled. The only time this is mentioned is when he is on trial and they have to prove that he could not have possibly hurt the victim because the injuries could not have been done by someone who has no usage of his left arm. Later in the book, there is a white disabled character, Boo Radley, who kills a character who tried to hurt the main characters and instead of trailing Boo, the detective argues that because of his disability it would not be right since he already has so much trouble. Yet, everyone in the book felt fine trialing Tom Robinson who is also disabled. If literature can not recognize characters as both Black and disabled, this is simply a reflection of white dominated societal beliefs. Unless a person can be shown as disabled as a direct result of their Blackness, then society sees no need for their disability and their race to be mentioned.
This erasure of disability is evident in other parts of history. In Anne Finger’s piece, COMRADE LUXEMBURG AND COMRADE GRAMSCI PASS EACH OTHER IN THE CONGRESS OF THE SECOND INTERNATIONAL ON THE 10TH OF MARCH, 1912, ends with Finger talking about how these two political figures had their disabilities hidden by history. Disability is viewed as a sign of weakness and since we should believe that these historical leaders are strong and ‘perfect’, then their disability should not be mentioned unless needed. We learn about Helen Keller in school, but only that she is a Deaf and Blind person. History books make no mention of her activism and politics because her beliefs don’t fit the image they want to paint about disabled people. This is parallel to what happens to Black disabled people, but with the added layer of anti-Blackness. A Black man committing an act of violence is an aggressive thug, but a white man doing the same is society’s fault for not helping the mentally ill. Then on the other, white supremacist hand, Black people are also crazy and agressive, so they need to be diagnozed with something just as ‘evil’ like schizophernia to ‘prove’ how unstable they are. Disability and Blackness are viewed simply as tools for white people to pick and choose what story they want to tell. The result of this are factors like the rise of schizophrenia in the 60’s which was one of the few times Black disabled people were visible for both identities, not for the actual validity in their identities, but for racist and ableist ideologies that only seek to benefit the white and abled dominated society.
I pledge
Word Count: 2,133
Works Cited
Brüne, Martin, et al. “Social Skills and Behavioral Problems in Schizophrenia: The Role of Mental State Attribution, Neurocognition and Clinical Symptomatology.” Psychiatry Research, vol. 190, no. 1, 2011, pp. 9–17., doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2010.03.015.
Donaldson, Elizabeth. “Beyond A Beautiful Mind: Schizophrenia and Bioethics in the Classroom.” Disability Studies Quarterly, dsq-sds.org/article/view/4635/3934.
Gadek, Emily. “Segregating Schizophrenia.” BackStory, 2014, www.backstoryradio.org/blog/segregating-schizophrenia/.
Haley, Alex, and Malcolm X. The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Ballantine Books, 1989.
Metzl, Jonathan. The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease. Beacon, 2011.
Mollow, Anna. “‘When Black Women Start Going on Prozac’: Race, Gender, and Mental Illness in Meri Nana-Ama Danquah’s Willow Weep for Me.” Gale Literature Resource Center, 2006, go-gale-com.umw.idm.oclc.org/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA157947339&v=2.1&u=viva_mwc&it=r&p=LitRC&sw=w.
Rutgers University. “African-Americans more likely to be misdiagnosed with schizophrenia, study finds: The study suggests a bias in misdiagnosing blacks with major depression and schizophrenia.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 21 March 2019.
Pickens Therí A. “What’s Good?” Black Madness:: Mad Blackness, Duke University Press, 2019, pp. 1–22.
Pride, Felicia. “Schizophrenia as Political Weapon.” The Root, 2010, www.theroot.com/schizophrenia-as-political-weapon-1790878403.
Rachel Mullins’ Final Paper on The Infantilization of Adults with Disabilities in Literature
The representation of individuals with disabilities in literature has come a long way ince the beginning. In more recent times, there has not only been a striking increase in the representation of the many different kinds of disabilities in literature, but also an increase in the accuracy of the representation of the disabled characters and their disability. Nowadays one can find this inclusion and representation in almost any genre. It seems like many of the most important steps have been made, and are currently being made, to allow all different voices to be heard and different bodies to be seen. However, one unfortunate theme continues to resurface throughout both old and new works. This very common type of misrepresentation of disability is the infantilization of disabled characters. To infantilize is defined as “to make or keep infantile” and/or “to treat as if infantile” (Merriam-Webster). The infantilization of characters with disabilities, either by the original writer in their representations or descriptions of the disabled character or by their interactions with other characters in the piece, can be seen in slightly older pieces such as Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck and some more recent pieces such as The Wedding of Tom to Tom by Keith Banner. In the end, this infantilization takes away from the actual realities of so many disabled individuals, and it also has the potential to be translated further into the real world by the readers of these works as they interact with individuals with disabilities.
To begin with arguably one of the most famous works involving a disabled character, the theme of infantilization in John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men can be found aplenty in the character of Lennie. This piece is still being studied in Middle and High Schools across the country. The sorrowful story follows two men, Lennie Small and George Milton, as they are heading to a farm for work. The reader learns that Lennie and George are on their journey looking for work because Lennie had been involved in some sort of altercation with a girl from the last farm that they had worked at. Also revealed throughout the beginning of the story is that Lennie has some sort of cognitive disability. The reader comes to learn what motivates the two men to continue; they want to make enough money to own their own farm someday with a lot of rabbits for Lennie to pet and take care of. As they find work on yet another farm on their way through Northern California, more characters are introduced, and the audience gets a little more in-depth information regarding Lennie and the characteristics and nature of his disability.
Lennie’s character is definitely representative of infantilization. Lennie is repeatedly characterized as child-like throughout the novel, both outright and through the descriptions of his character and his actions. He is referred to as a baby multiple times. Lennie is described as “[b]lubberin’ like a baby” and being “[j]us’ like a big baby” (Steinbeck 43, 129). These comments are made by George, the person who is closest to Lennie and knows him the best. Slim also says to George that “[h]e’s jes’ like a kid, ain’t he.” and George of course agrees with this statement (Steinbeck 79). In addition to being outright described as a ‘baby’ and a ‘kid’ by other characters in the novel, George also calls him a “good boy” on two different occasions (Lawrence 4). This is much like one would praise a small child when they do something right. These examples all have in common the fact that they represent how Lennie is seen through and interacted with in the eyes of the other characters in the story. In addition, there are instances of the infantilization of his character that can be found in the descriptions of his actions by Steinbeck himself. In their piece called Is Lennie a Monster? A Reconsideration of Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men in a 21st Century Inclusive Classroom Context, Clare Lawrence mentions that “Lennie’s obedience (and at times his disobedience, transparent to George), his mimicry of George’s actions and his enthusiasm are all childlike” (Lawrence 4). The aforementioned mimicry occurs while at a small pool of water near the beginning of the story. Steinbeck writes that “Lennie, who had been watching, imitated George exactly. He pushed himself back, drew up his knees, embraced them, looked over to George to see whether he had it just right. He pulled his hat down a little more over his eyes, the way George’s hat was” (Steinbeck 37). Also, at one point while speaking to Slim, and a few other times in the story “George draws on Lennie’s childlike qualities to make him seem less threatening” (Chivers 4). This is done “in order to maintain employment”, because George needed to make sure that Lennie was trustworthy in the eyes of the other characters. (Chivers 4). Steinbeck’s classic Of Mice and Men shows how infantilization can be represented through interactions between characters as well as author description of the individual disabled character.
It is important to note that this theme of infantilization is not limited to older works such as Steinbeck’s. The subject can also be seen in works written more recently. One good example can be found in Keith Banner’s collection of stories called The Smallest People Alive. Within this collection is a story called The Wedding of Tom to Tom. The story is narrated by a worker at a group home, but the story mostly follows two of the residents, Tom and Tom, or as they are often referred to in the story, Tom A and Tom B. Tom A and Tom B are in a romantic relationship with each other, and the narrator tells the story of beginning her job at the group home and being introduced to them in the start, and following all the way to the end of the story as Tom A and Tom B are married and go on their honeymoon. Along the way, there are other important characters such as the narrator’s ex-boyfriend and other minor characters, but for this analysis the most important characters are Tom A, Tom B, the narrator, and the other workers at the group home.
While it may seem like the story is far from infantilization due to some parts of the story, there are definitely plenty of examples of Tom A, Tom B, and other residents being treated so much like children. To begin, when Raquel (another worker at the group home) saw Tom and Tom sitting next to each other in the living room the morning after the narrators first shift, she said to the narrator that “’If you let them do that, they don’t know when to stop. They’ll get so into each other they’ll not know when to quit” (Banner 58-59). Raquel is letting the narrator know that there is an ongoing and perhaps unwritten rule to keep Tom A and Tom B away from each other if possible. This is to keep them ‘under control’. The manager, Kate Anderson-Malloy, even decides to relocate Tom A to prevent the two from seeing each other so much (Banner 63). Despite all of this, Tom A and Tom B do eventually get married. However, their entire wedding, beginning with the actual decision to have the ceremony at all and also including things like when it is to take place, where the ceremony occurs, who is invited to the ceremony, what the two grooms would wear, and the location they go to spend their wedding night is decided and planned for them directly by the staff at the group home. While the narrator does say that she had a discussion with Tom B about the wedding before it was actually planned, it never would have been able to happen without the support of the group home staff. Despite all of this, it can still most definitely be seen as a vast improvement over something like Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men in terms of the representation of the characters with disabilities. Banner provides a look into the intersectionality between disability and sexuality and makes way for possible discussions about the cross-over between disability and other categories like race and gender identity.
No matter how minor, infantilization of disabled characters has occurred in the past and still occurs in literature as evidenced by the two works previously discussed. This has many potentially problematic implications for the real world. Beginning with the fact that the representations of disabled individuals in literature could affect how a reader might interact with someone in real life. While the work may or may not be fiction, the impact on the reader is most definitely real. Perpetuating these negative and untrue stereotypes is dangerous. According to Stevenson et al., “Adults with disabilities in general, and those with developmental disabilities in particular, have long been treated as childlike entities, deserving fewer rights and incurring greater condescension than adults without disabilities” (Stevenson et al.) The connection between stereotypical representation in the media and real life treatment is very real, and “[t]he stereotype of the “eternal child” has burned a disturbing path through history and continues to wreak havoc in arenas ranging from employment discrimination to forced sterilizations” (Stevenson et al.). As Stevenson mentioned, the many different stereotypes, specifically that of the “eternal child” affect the real life treatment of individuals with disabilities, and the infantilization of disabled characters in literature (both past and present) continues to perpetuate these extremely dangerous ideas, regardless of the intent.
It is easy to see the many instances of the infantilization of characters with disabilities in literature from the past and the present. This infantilization represents itself two ways. The first is through the interactions that the other, mostly non-disabled, characters have with the character or characters with disabilities. The second is through the descriptions by the author of the disabled character. Descriptions of their appearance, actions, thoughts, etc. can perpetuate the ideas of infantilization. Two specific pieces of literature which exemplify these concepts are John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men and Keith Banners short story The Wedding of Tom to Tom from his collection The Smallest People Alive. There are a lot of potentially very dangerous implications that can arise from the perpetuation of these stereotypes that can be translated into the real world, such as “employment discrimination [and] forced sterilizations” (Stevenson et al.). Because of this, authors should consider reevaluating the descriptions of and actions of their disabled characters so as to make sure they are represented truthfully.
Word Count: 1758 Excluding Header, Title, and Works Cited
Works Cited
Banner, Keith. The Smallest People Alive. Carnegie Mellon University Press, 2004.
Chivers, Sally. “Disability Studies and the Vancouver Opera’s Of Mice and Men.” Disability Studies Quarterly, vol. 23, no. 1, 2003, pp. 95-108.
Clare Lawrence. “Is Lennie a Monster? A Reconsideration of Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men in a 21st Century Inclusive Classroom Context.” Palgrave Communications, vol. 6, no. 1, 2020, pp. 1–8.
“Infantilize.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/infantilize. Accessed 22 Apr. 2020.
Steinbeck, John. Of Mice and Men. Penguin Books, 2017.
Stevenson, Jennifer L, et al. “Infantilizing Autism.” Disability Studies Quarterly, vol. 31, no. 3, 2011,
Cayla Stroud’s MPP, “A Black Mother’s Understanding”
For these poems I tried to emulate Rebecca Foust’s “A Mothers Understanding”. I enjoyed how through her poems she let us through her journey of being a mother to a child with Asperger’s syndrome. Foust’s connection to her son’s journey related to the relational model as it catered to the thoughts and feelings of a mother with a child that has a disability, with the focus on how it affects her personally. I thought that doing an assortment of poems catered to the feelings of a mother that had a child with quadriplegia, intellectual disabilities and confined to a wheelchair. I wanted the poems to reflect societal feelings, admiration, sadness, agony, pain, all in one. Putting a twist on the poems that Foust had done in “A Mother’s Understanding” by pairing the experiences to that of a black mother. It was important to me that the experiences of disability were not solely based on the traditional white American’s narrative of disability, but rather a rendition of disability that can be shown through the lens of intersexual, feminist, and a cultural viewpoint, essentially a black feminist disability narrative. I wanted the reader to grasp the understanding of how disability functions within different cultural expressions and the stereotypes that follow. Furthermore, how blackness is barred, in a western, ablest, patriarchal society from the weakness and visibility of disability.
word count (discussion): 226
word count (with poem explanations): 1191
I pledge my honor, Cayla Stroud.
MPP- Allison Palmer Poems
Allison Palmer
Professor Foss
Dislit
23 April 2020
Major Project
Permanent Darkness
He keeps telling me to just do it.
It won’t hurt, he says.
My coarse fingers loosen slightly from the railing.
Below the sidewalk looks welcoming, with its arms wide.
He isn’t wrong. No one would care, or notice.
I make eye contact with a cardinal flying by
He has a look of peace that I feel my heart reaching for.
She says don’t, and reminds me of the baby.
It wouldn’t be fair, she says.
The railing pulls me closer, closer than my husband has in a long time.
The people below are smiling and waving, do they want me to come to them?
She is wrong, the baby would be better off.
Time slows down and the bird stops and stares.
Then I am him. I am flying through the sky.
My fingers caressed the railing goodbye.
The sounds of people and cars fill the air, but all I hear is my heart.
It’s no longer reaching or lost.
He was right, it didn’t hurt.
The sidewalk absorbed me and made me feel whole.
And all at once the darkness was permanent.
The Butterfly Within
On the petal of a lily sat a butterfly
A butterfly bluer than my tears
His wings flutter open attempting to fly
He stumbles to the ground
Struggling to hold himself up
His one wing broken, his downfall
His tiny legs climb the flower’s stem
As he reaches the edge of the petal
His broken wing flaps in the wind
He dives off the petal and soars
The broken wing being uplifted by the wind, this time his advantage
50/50
The bars on the windows keep me from falling out
But they also block my view of the people below.
The padded walls are soft against my aching body
But they also make me feel small.
The jacket keeps me warm
But it also pulls my arms too tight.
The pills taste good in pudding
But they also make me feel empty inside.
I feel safe
But I also feel alone.
Feelin’ Alive
The sound of silence can be quite lovely.
Silence fills me with peace when I find myself adrift.
I feel the music within as it flows through my tired veins.
It is a warmth one feels radiating from a smile.
My ears may fail me, but I am liberated through touch.
I may not be able to hear the first words my mother ever spoke to me
But I felt her love overpower me everytime she caressed my hair.
My ears do not understand the complexity of song
But my body follows through by creating their own art in dance.
The “I’m sorry’s” mean nothing to me
It’s the embrace that eliminates any darkness within.
One touch lights the flame within.
Without touch, the body is numb,
a person can survive without hearing a pin drop,
But physical numbness leads to emotional numbness.
To be numb, is to be empty.
As long as I can dive myself deep within touch, I am full
I am alive.
My Home
Your eyes are a deep blue, but they are unfamiliar with the blue of sadness and pity
They paint my entire body as they go up and down, not stopping at my misshapen legs
They stop at my starved lips; they hold them tight every night.
When your hands find mine they don’t count my fingers in disbelief,
Our hands dance together turning into two long lost lovers.
There is no ring holding you in as you fight back laughter,
Our laughs are insync with one another.
I am nobody’s puppet with strings pulling me, strangling me, to perform to someone else’s routine.
You raise me up and are my very own pedestal.
When I fall, it is not a rush to help
Instead you are right there beside me.
We lay there, your eyes swimming with in mine and despite the fall
Despite my misshapen legs
Despite my lost fingers
I feel safer than if I was wrapped in bubble wrap.
You aren’t my lover, you are my home.
My Lennie
He doesn’t know any better.
He never meant to hurt anyone, it was all out of curiosity.
The kind of curiosity kids project.
It’s not his fault, it’s just who he is.
He was born stupid, never had much sense to him.
They’ll want to hurt him real good this time.
I can’t let that happen, he really isn’t a monster, just stupid.
There is only one way to help him, to save him.
It won’t hurt, it’ll be quick and he’ll have no idea.
I close my eyes, point, and my fingers slowly grip the trigger.
BOOM
It’s over, it’s what was best, he is better now.
Character
I asked my Grandpa why he always drank out of the broken coffee mug.
The mug was a faded brown with speckles that fell off in the dishwasher and a nut size crack missing from the rim.
He picked up the rugged mug, took a sip of the bitterness and out migrated a smile.
“My dear it is not broken, it has character,””
He slowly puts the mug on the slanted kitchen table
He grips his coarse wheels and wheels towards me with all of the strength left in him.
He places a coarse hand on my cheek,
“And it is character that fills this crazy life with beauty.”
diffabilities
I based my major project off of disabilities in poetry and the poems we read in class. I wanted to portray different disabilities and representations in my poems with different formats and voices. My process consisted of reading the poems that we read in class and taking different themes, voices, and disabilities from the poems and from other texts in class. After reading the poems I took time on each individual poem and would only focus on that poem before moving on to the next. This step allowed me to get in the mindset for that poem and pour all of my creative thinking into it. I decided I wanted to include different disabilities to present a variety of perspectives and feelings regarding disability; I wanted to also allow for inclusion. I had different goals for different poems trying to incorporate different ideas surrounding disability. My main goal was to present how I feel regarding disability and the feeling of freedom they deserve and that they are human and are capable of living the way they want to. I wanted to represent some social issues regarding disability and how people believe people with disabilities are incompetent and can not take care of themselves or make their own decisions. I also wanted to take on some of the poets’ tone regarding disability which is usually portraying people with disabilities as broken, so I included that, but I transformed the brokenness to appreciation. My other main goal was to create and highlight the beauty behind disability and the sense of ownership with disability.
My first poem is called “Permanent Darkness” and is about a mother who is dealing with postpartum depression and is hearing voices. She ultimately decides to commit suicide after a long battle with her inner self and voices. I wanted to include depression in the lists of my poems because it is a debate whether mental illness is a disability and how it is viewed in society. I wanted to show the inner battles one may face with this disability and I the title “permanent dankness” represents that committing the suicide may have freed her from her metaphorical darkness, but it was ultimately ending the light in her life. My Next poem “50/50” represents another disability regarding mental illness and it is someone in what could be considered a psychiatric hospital. I wanted to portray what it feels like from the perspective of the person with the disability and how they felt about the situation and I wanted to show pros and cons, even though the cons may outweigh the pros.
“Feelin’ Alive” represents someone who is deaf and I am someone who actually shares that disability, though I may not be fully deaf yet it still was something I wanted to cover because of my personal connection. The poem allows for readers to understand that just because someone who is deaf cannot hear, does not mean they are missing out, they simply just experience the world through a different light that is almost brighter. “My Home” is one of my favorites because I wanted to depict a physical disability, while presenting the love between a person with a disability and a non disabled person. This poem is meant to show a healthy relationship between the two and that despite what some people may consider “flaws” they still love each other and are there for each other like any other relationship.
The poem “My Lennie” is obviously based on the story Of Mice and Men and the characters Lennie and George. However, I wanted to present it in a different light, possibly suggesting it was not in their story, but yet two people who have the same experience as them; two best friends, one with a disability and one who considers himself a caretaker. I wanted to have the poem in the perspective of a caretaker with the personality of George to represent the idea that caretakers sometimes believe they are doing what’s best for the person with a disability by taking their lives into their hands and making decisions for them. The absence of names within the poem leaves it open to interpretation about who it is about and for. Lastly, my poem “Character” is about a grandfather who has a physical disability and is in a wheelchair. The grandpa is having a conversation about a broken mug he favors and the broken mug is a metaphor for disabilities and how people with disabilities are usually considered broken. However, the grandpa explains that it is not broken, it is character and the character within the mug, or disabilities, is quite lovely. This poem is my favorite because not only does it show family relationships, it highlights beauty regarding disabilities and the ownership of disabilities. The grandfather finds that his disability is beautiful and without it the world would be absent of such beauty.
The major project was a wonderful experience and I enjoyed being able to create pieces of poetry I ultimately love regarding one of my favorite topics of discussion, disability. I see several points of significance regarding the final result of my major project, that are all beneficial. One significance is the take away I have from the project and how I got to see and take on different perspectives regarding disability and I got to appreciate different disabilities and different representations of those disabilities. Lastly the ultimate significant factor of the final result of the project is that I got to show disabilities in a different light and highlight the beauties, but also the issues regarding disabilities, such as freedom and belief that disability means broken. My goal was to get readers to see disabilities in a different life and the problems revolving around seeing them only as a problem or something they are stuck with, that they are abnormal or a monster. I believe the ultimate significance was an awakening for readers.
Word Count: 1889
“I pledge”….Allison Palmer
Taylor & Samantha’s Project and Write Up
Due to being in the Special Education program at the University of Mary Washington, our project consists of a lesson plan that has been designed for 11th grade students and is centered around John Steinbeck’s novel, Of Mice and Men. Wanting to present a lesson that is engaging and strategic, we decided to incorporate the jury trial system into the lesson. Each student will be given a copy of Steinbeck’s novel, Of Mice and Men and as they read the book, students will be taught how the legal system/jury trial system works. Students will then take what they have learned and will be asked to apply it to the novel. In order for students to apply it to the novel, they will be broken into groups and will be assigned roles. Instead of solely focusing on characters and their disabilities, students will think about the events that occur within the book and the classroom will be turned into a courtroom. Throughout Steinbeck’s novel, there are many “alleged” crimes committed and students will use information within the book to design court cases. In order to best assess the events within the book, students will be asked to focus on one event and to assign roles, such as defense attorney, prosecuting attorney, plaintiff, defendant, and witnesses to members within their groups. After assessing the crimes that have occurred, students will then be able to form a court case and prepare for a jury trial. Assessing students is an important aspect of being a teacher and in order to do so, we will turn the classroom into a courtroom and have the students present their cases. After the trials, teachers can grade students based on preparation, execution, persuasiveness of arguments, evidence, and level of seriousness.
The lesson plan created encourages students to think outside of the box and further analyze. There are aspects, such as disabilities, for students to consider when designing their court case and holding a trial. While the majority of the characters within the novel could be tried for specific actions, students need to consider how the character’s emotions and disabilities affected their actions. As an example, Lennie could be placed on trial for “murdering” Curley’s wife, but students need to determine if Lennie’s actions were due to his disability or if he meant to kill her. However, it will be interesting to see how students react to the events within the novel and whether decisions will be altered to accommodate disabilities that are present within.
Another aspect, as teachers, to consider is the fact that there are students with high functioning disabilities present within the classroom. In order to make sure that they understand and feel comfortable with the assignment, they will be placed in groups with students that have strong English abilities. Having students with disabilities present and involved in the trials will give other students in the classroom insight, which will hopefully better assist them with making decisions. Having diversified groups will impact the final decisions and will allow students to best analyze the situations they are dealing with.
Word Count: 512
I hereby declare upon my word of honor that I have neither given nor received unauthorized help on this work. – Taylor Butler & Samantha Rogers