Madison Long
Dr. Foss
Disability and Literature
4/30/2020
Expecting Normal: based off of Jim Sinclair’s Don’t Mourn For Us
The first thing that really caught my attention in the article Don’t Mourn For Us, was in the second paragraph. Author Jim Sinclair talks about how parents, when they find out their child has autism, mourn for the child who they had expected to have. When you are having a child, you expect them to be normal and when it turns out that they are not, you will likely have mixed emotions. People seem to expect that everyone is normal until they are seen otherwise. The thought that I kept coming back to while reading this article was the expectation of normal. What is the expectation of being normal? Who is to say that those who are seen as other than normal are not the normal ones. All of these readings about autism and disability seem to make the reader realize that the way they are IS their version of normal. We, as a society, seem to only believe there is one form of being normal and if you don’t meet this expectation then you are looked down on. I believe that this is a naive way of seeing things. People need to open their minds to the possibility that yes, people with autism are different in many ways, but they are still human and they still have emotions like everyone else; they just show theirs differently. So I ask once more, what is the expectation of normal and why can someone who is autistic not be considered their own normal?
Expectations can be dangerous and yet it is a part of us. When we expect things to go one way and then they do not, it can crush you. The thing with expectations is that you have to allow yourself some space just in case things do not go as planned. Jim Sinclear describes giving birth to a child with autism when not expecting it as similar to having a stillbirth. You expect so much from this child, this baby, even before it is born and when you realize that these expectations are not possible, it can and will lead you to mourn the child that you did not have. Most parents expect high things of their soon to be child and when an autistic child is born instead of the child they were expecting, they might believe that this child can no longer exceed any expectations. The truth is that this is not at all true. Yes, your child may not be able to achieve those exact expectations, but that is more in your mindset than on their being autistic. The best thing to do would be to adjust your expectations to be more in tune to their way of doing things. Just because the expectations that they can achieve are different from the ones you had hoped for does not mean that they are any less than you. They are just more unique. Along with expectations, often comes the word normal.
What is normal and why do so many people spend their whole life trying to be it. What I have learned about the autistic community is exactly that, they are a community. They seem to know they are different from the rest of society in ways but that is their normal. We as humans often learn to think of life and everything in it as only having two sides. There are normal people who speak our language, think the same, see life the same way as us, that will have the same experiences as us. Then there are people who are not normal, who can not speak like us, think the same way, see life like we do, and who have different experiences from us. These “abnormal” people, we as society often think less of or pity. To them though, to those who are different and not seen as normal, this is their reality, their normal. They have their own way of speaking, of thinking, of seeing and experiencing life. These are all things that you can only understand if you are a part of them or if you try your best to understand and keep an open mind. It is not their fault that society can only seem to see it’s own reality instead of trying to see everyone’s reality.
When you put these two things together, expectation and being normal, you really just come to an unreasonable and unreachable idea of always expecting the normal. Of course there are also times when you expect better than normal. After you break down the meaning or meanings of normal do you realize that it is not fair to always expect your version of it from someone? It is ok to be excited and hopeful and expecting of a child that will soon be yours, but it is important to know that if this is not the case, if the child is not what you expected, that if they are autistic, it is not their fault and you need to learn to let go of the child you had expected. Once you have learned to let go, then start trying to learn and understand your autistic child’s version of normal.
In the end of the article Jim Sinclear has left a plea to parents of autistic children. This plea asks that you recognize the child that you have as an alien trying to navigate a new world. Not as the child that you lost because, this child never was. The child that you have needs you to do your best to understand and help them through in this world where they are different. Move forward with the child you have and stop moving backwards trying to find the child there never was going to be.
The conclusion that I have come to after reading and analyzing this article is that he wants people to see and hopefully understand the way he sees it. Autism is not something you should mourn over. What you should mourn over is what happens when someone who is autistic goes out into society and how they are treated, when treated as abnormal. But if you do mourn over this then do not just mourn, go out there and help. Change how they are seen and treated. Show society that their close-minded way of thinking is not the only way of thinking, and not the correct way.
word count: 1064
I pledge
work cited:
“DONT MOURN FOR US.” Dont Mourn For Us, www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html.
