Don’t Mourn For Us
In the literary text, “Don’t Mourn For Us”, is based on the perspective of somebody with autism, Jim Sinclair. Sinclair’s idea for this essay was to broadcast feelings to non-austic’s about the idea of a “normal child”. Reading this essay, I came to the conclusion that those who choose to have children, should be thankful for the child they bring into this world. If they aren’t, they weren’t made to be parents in the first place. Parents should not create expectations for their unborn baby, or feel at loss over what is real. Autism is a real, and beautiful thing.
Sinclair states in the beginning of this essay, that according to “non-autistic” people, autism is the “most traumatic thing to ever happen” to parents (1). However, parents who create all these expectations in their minds, is the real traumatic thing here. Although bonding and creating that relationship with your child will be different than most, it’s the parent’s job to form ways to bond with their kid instead of resentment. In the text, Sinclair responds to this sort of frustration by saying, “the child isn’t incapable of relating at all. It only means [the parent is] assuming a shared system, a shared understanding of signals and meanings, that the child in fact does not share” (1). Just like treating those with autism like somebody who speaks a different language, there are ways to communicate and relate. Parents just have to be open-minded to forming those different ways. If the parent is successful, and is patient with their son or daughter, the reality of their child getting a drivers licence or moving away to college is very likely. But, parents can not push their process with the child. It isn’t the job of the child to be a certain way for other people. And if the parent has a mindset of bitterness, anger, and negativity toward a child, it can create resentment against the parent. At the end of the day, a child is only a child. The kid cannot control what they were born with, let alone, what makes them, them! “Autism is a way of being” (1). Autism is different, and has too many negative connotations for this world: ignorance, disrespect, and the willingness to learn more about it. Instead of grieving about autism, express and explore the world in which autism gives. By providing that information toward the child, the child will learn how to be proud and happy of who they are! It’s understandable to be stressed, as there are always new things to be anxious about. But, if a parent feels as if they cannot hide those doubts, and significant emotions toward their child, they were not fit to be parents in the beginning. A parent is kind, and accepting toward their baby.
So, what does it mean to be a parent?: A parent takes care of their child physically and emotionally, a parent provides, a parent protects and keeps the child safe from harm, a parent loves, a parent teaches and helps their child when in need, and a parent is the role-model to their child (2). The definition of a parent is more than just giving birth and the passing of genes. It’s a role that the world has given them, and the world should expect the parent to treat their child or any child, with love and respect. Sinclair says that “[autistic children] need and deserve families who can see us and value us for ourselves, not families whose vision of us is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams. But don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we’re here waiting for you” (1). The child in which has autism will help guide the parent in any confusion they might have. But, it’s the parent’s job to get connected in a community that supports autism. In order to help maintain a connection with an autistic child, the parent must learn to embrace the culture their child and family is involved in. Embrace the differences that the world has given!
In Sinclair’s final paragraphs, he tells the readers to “learn to let go” (1). Which is such a peaceful statement but also, a command. Having autism isn’t the same as losing a child. Because your child is alive, and real. The idea of having a normal child never existed. Having autism is what makes up a child to be unique and different from the rest. If those differences within a parent’s kid isn’t uplifted, how does a parent expect their kid to live a happy life? Or feel as if they can be loved by the world, if their own parents can’t? Sinclair shares that, “[Those with autism] need you. We need your help and your understanding. Your world is not very open to us, and we won’t make it without your strong support. Yes, there is tragedy that comes with autism: not because of what we are, but because of the things that happen to us. Be sad about that” (1). If parents need to rant about their emotions toward autism, there are support groups for that. The groups are meant to embrace what has happened, and what won’t change. Enrolling into support groups, and counseling will only benefit relationships with those of autism. Having a child that is on the spectrum, is more than a diagnosis, it’s an “adventure of a lifetime.” The parent’s duty is to be as involved as they possibly can, and to also love what they brought into the universe.
To conclude this analysis, I believe that after reading, “Don’t Mourn For Us”, parents who feel negatively toward their autistic child are in no place of being a parent at all. Parent’s are supposed to accept the child that they brought into this world, and treat them with the love and respect they deserve. I also believe that people should know what it means to be a parent before conceiving a baby. And finally, if a parent has an autistic child, it’s the families’ job to make sure that that culture is embraced and celebrated. Those with autism, unfortunately experience those families too often that aren’t loved equally as other children. The world needs to create a brighter and more positive connotation than the one it has today. If somebody wants to be a parent, they need to be thankful, and embraceful for the child they get. As Sinclair says, “Don’t mourn for us. Autism is alive, and real” (1).
“I hereby declare upon my word of honor that I have neither given nor received unauthorized help on this work.”
X Tori Percherke
Word Count: 1089
Work Cited:
(1) Sinclair, Jim. “DON’T MOURN FOR US.” Don’t Mourn For Us, www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html.
(2) “What Does It Mean to Be a Parent: Gerber Life Insurance Blog.” Gerber Life Insurance Parenting Blog, 16 Jan. 2019, www.gerberlife.com/blog/what-it-means-to-be-a-parent/.
“What Is Autism?” Autism Society, www.autism-society.org/what-is/.
