Madison’s Final

The History of Autism: A Shaky Foundation 

To understand something in the present, it helps to look at its roots. The cultural ideas and stigmas that are held today are at least somewhat a product of history. Historically, autism has been a mystery and today there is still much we do not know about how it functions or where it comes from. However, when research first began to circulate surrounding autism, much of that information was inaccurate and ultimately harmed future understandings of autism, repercussions we are still feeling today despite advancements. The history of autism research can be seen as the driving force behind the apprehension parents have surrounding communicating with and building a relationship with their autistic child. As a result of early acclaimed researchers pointing a finger at the parents of autistic children to blame them for the condition, there has since been a culture which fears raising the autistic child and pushes for a ‘cure’ to end a presumed suffering.

Psychologists Leo Kanner and Bruno Bettelheim’s widely regarded ideas have laid the foundation for a problematic understanding of how autism functions and where it comes from. Up until the 1960’s, Kanner asserted the belief that parents are responsible for their child’s autism. Kanner once said in an interview that autistic children were a product of, “parents cold and rational who just happened to defrost long enough to produce a child” (Murray, 54). He believed that the parents of autistic children were cold and distant, thus producing similar traits in the form of their autistic child. Bettleheim held a similar viewpoint, asserting that autistic children “withdraw from the world” as a product of parents who are unable to bond with their child, and that often development was stunted in autistic children due to the parents’ own “inadequacies” (Murray 56-57). Given autism was largely unstudied and therefore not understood, Bettleheim and his work were regarded highly by the public and his opinions were taken as fact (Murray). The blame that was placed on parents by these researchers has heavily influenced the way parents today understand autism, and consequently, the apprehension they feel about building a relationship with their autistic child.

The responsibility placed on parents for causing their child’s autism coupled with the idea that a child is ‘trapped’ within their autism lead parents to push for the cure. The fact alone that blame or responsibility was placed at all reinforces that autism is not a positive presence, as if someone must be punished for its existence. And according to Kanner and Bettleheim, the blame lied with the parents. It is natural for parents to want to fix things for their child, to rid them of any suffering. Since there are inherent ideas of pain and suffering tied to disability and difference, including autism, parents have a tendency to focus on how they can end that suffering and return their child to normal. Murray writes, “For some, accepting that they were to blame was a price worth paying if it meant that their child could be ‘rescued’ from autism” (Murray, 58).The idea held that with therapy, the “lost” child could be “brought back” (Murray, 57). Of course this belief is harmful and inaccurate, as there is no “normal” child trapped within the autism, however the popularity of that notion leads parents to feel urgent about curing their child’s autism rather than trying to understand it as an inseparable piece of their identity. 

The history of autism and the belief in the cure have made it easier for parents to focus their energy on who their child isn’t rather than who he/she is. Autism, much like other neurodiverse perspectives, is seen for its deficits first and foremost. Nonverbal and atypical communication is rarely seen positively, but rather as though something is lacking from the individual. This expectation of normalcy hinders parents amongst others from trying to understand autistic communication and build a relationship with the autistic child. Writers and advocates such as Jim Sinclair are helping to rewrite this history and alter the way we understand the autistic child. First, it is especially important that parents understand the inseparability of autism from the autistic child. Jim Sinclair importantly notes in Don’t Mourn For Us, “when parents say, I wish my child did not have autism, what they’re really saying is, I wish the autistic child I have did not exist, and I had a different (non-autistic) child instead” (Sinclair, 1993). Although these parents might not understand the implication behind their words, it does not change the fact that they are implying they would rather have a ‘normal’ child than try to understand and relate to their autistic son or daughter. Furthermore, it is important that parents are willing to forgo their own expectations of ‘normalcy’ in order to venture into their autistic child’s territory. He notes, “You’re going to have to give up the certainty that comes of being on your own familiar territory, of knowing you’re in charge, and let your child teach you a little of her language, guide you a little way into his world” (Sinclair,1993).

It is impossible to completely rewrite the history that is responsible for inaccurate information and ideas about autism, but we can learn to put what we think we know aside and step into the autistic perspective. Historically, parents have been blamed for what was presumed as a condition that caused their child to suffer and lack normal social and communication skills. There is no question that this past has been a catalyst for the apprehension parents still hold today about connecting and communicating with their autistic child. The belief in the normal child being ‘trapped’ and the cure have made it possible for parents to focus attention on autism as a deficit rather than a benefit. However, with more insight into the autistic perspective as shared by those on the spectrum such as Jim Sinclair, parents may be able to take agency and find the courage to meet their child where they are at. As noted, difference is not an “impenetrable wall” (Sinclair,1993), but communication can happen and relationships are more than possible. 

Works Cited: 

Murray, S. (2012). Autism (The Routledge series integrating science and culture). New York: Routledge.

Sinclair, J. Don’t Mourn For Us. Autism Network International newsletter, Our Voice, Volume 1, Number 3, 199. 

word count: 1020

I pledge, Madison Moyer.

Tori Percherke’s Take-Home Final on Jim Sinclair’s “Don’t Mourn For Us”

Don’t Mourn For Us

In the literary text, “Don’t Mourn For Us”, is based on the perspective of somebody with autism, Jim Sinclair. Sinclair’s idea for this essay was to broadcast feelings to non-austic’s about the idea of a “normal child”. Reading this essay, I came to the conclusion that those who choose to have children, should be thankful for the child they bring into this world. If they aren’t, they weren’t made to be parents in the first place. Parents should not create expectations for their unborn baby, or feel at loss over what is real. Autism is a real, and beautiful thing. 

Sinclair states in the beginning of this essay, that according to “non-autistic” people, autism is the “most traumatic thing to ever happen” to parents (1). However, parents who create all these expectations in their minds, is the real traumatic thing here. Although bonding and creating that relationship with your child will be different than most, it’s the parent’s job to form ways to bond with their kid instead of resentment. In the text, Sinclair responds to this sort of frustration by saying, “the child isn’t incapable of relating at all. It only means [the parent is] assuming a shared system, a shared understanding of signals and meanings, that the child in fact does not share” (1). Just like treating those with autism like somebody who speaks a different language, there are ways to communicate and relate. Parents just have to be open-minded to forming those different ways. If the parent is successful, and is patient with their son or daughter, the reality of their child getting a drivers licence or moving away to college is very likely. But, parents can not push their process with the child. It isn’t the job of the child to be a certain way for other people. And if the parent has a mindset of bitterness, anger, and negativity toward a child, it can create resentment against the parent. At the end of the day, a child is only a child. The kid cannot control what they were born with, let alone, what makes them, them! “Autism is a way of being” (1). Autism is different, and has too many negative connotations for this world: ignorance, disrespect, and the willingness to learn more about it. Instead of grieving about autism, express and explore the world in which autism gives. By providing that information toward the child, the child will learn how to be proud and happy of who they are! It’s understandable to be stressed, as there are always new things to be anxious about. But, if a parent feels as if they cannot hide those doubts, and significant emotions toward their child, they were not fit to be parents in the beginning. A parent is kind, and accepting toward their baby.

So, what does it mean to be a parent?: A parent takes care of their child physically and emotionally, a parent provides, a parent protects and keeps the child safe from harm, a parent loves, a parent teaches and helps their child when in need, and a parent is the role-model to their child (2). The definition of a parent is more than just giving birth and the passing of genes. It’s a role that the world has given them, and the world should expect the parent to treat their child or any child, with love and respect. Sinclair says that “[autistic children] need and deserve families who can see us and value us for ourselves, not families whose vision of us is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must, for your own lost dreams. But don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we’re here waiting for you” (1). The child in which has autism will help guide the parent in any confusion they might have. But, it’s the parent’s job to get connected in a community that supports autism. In order to help maintain a connection with an autistic child, the parent must learn to embrace the culture their child and family is involved in. Embrace the differences that the world has given!

In Sinclair’s final paragraphs, he tells the readers to “learn to let go” (1). Which is such a peaceful statement but also, a command. Having autism isn’t the same as losing a child. Because your child is alive, and real. The idea of having a normal child never existed. Having autism is what makes up a child to be unique and different from the rest. If those differences within a parent’s kid isn’t uplifted, how does a parent expect their kid to live a happy life? Or feel as if they can be loved by the world, if their own parents can’t? Sinclair shares that, “[Those with autism] need you. We need your help and your understanding. Your world is not very open to us, and we won’t make it without your strong support. Yes, there is tragedy that comes with autism: not because of what we are, but because of the things that happen to us. Be sad about that” (1). If parents need to rant about their emotions toward autism, there are support groups for that. The groups are meant to embrace what has happened, and what won’t change. Enrolling into support groups, and counseling will only benefit relationships with those of autism. Having a child that is on the spectrum, is more than a diagnosis, it’s an “adventure of a lifetime.” The parent’s duty is to be as involved as they possibly can, and to also love what they brought into the universe. 

To conclude this analysis, I believe that after reading, “Don’t Mourn For Us”, parents who feel negatively toward their autistic child are in no place of being a parent at all. Parent’s are supposed to accept the child that they brought into this world, and treat them with the love and respect they deserve. I also believe that people should know what it means to be a parent before conceiving a baby. And finally, if a parent has an autistic child, it’s the families’ job to make sure that that culture is embraced and celebrated. Those with autism, unfortunately experience those families too often that aren’t loved equally as other children. The world needs to create a brighter and more positive connotation than the one it has today. If somebody wants to be a parent, they need to be thankful, and embraceful for the child they get. As Sinclair says, “Don’t mourn for us. Autism is alive, and real” (1).

“I hereby declare upon my word of honor that I have neither given nor received unauthorized help on this work.”

X Tori Percherke

Word Count: 1089

Work Cited:

(1) Sinclair, Jim. “DON’T MOURN FOR US.” Don’t Mourn For Us, www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html.

(2) “What Does It Mean to Be a Parent: Gerber Life Insurance Blog.” Gerber Life Insurance Parenting Blog, 16 Jan. 2019, www.gerberlife.com/blog/what-it-means-to-be-a-parent/.

“What Is Autism?” Autism Society, www.autism-society.org/what-is/.

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